Half in Love and Half in Hate by Amanda Arlequin Disclaimer: The characters in this story are from Buffy The Vampire Slayer and belong to the God Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. The lyrics are from the song "Half in Love and Half in Hate" by Morten Harkett and belongs to him. No copyright infringement intended.

**Half in love and half in hate
Someone told me it is late
Late on earth you said maybe
Late in you and late in me
Darker than it has to be**

	He could still remember the first time he'd woken up to find her sleeping 
besides him.  Her small frame pressed against his, her chest rising and 
falling with each even breath.  Her hair, slightly damp with perspiration, 
spread out like a silken fan against the pillow.  He'd reached up to brush 
strands away from her face, marveling silently at how breathtakingly 
beautiful she was.  The expression on her face so peaceful- unmarred by all 
the harshness she knew existed in the world, but merely a reflection of the 
simple purity of her innocence.  Her eyelids had laid heavy against her 
cheeks, her lips curled in a smile of pure happiness.  He remembered 
wondering what he had done to be so blessed.  She was a gift from heaven and 
he swore to never let her go.

**Tell me just another lie
Now we're woven under ice
Tell me that there is no other
I am a child
Be my mother
If you lie, babe
If you bother**

	He'd kept himself so removed from people for so long.  Never letting 
himself get close to anybody for fear of getting hurt or- worse- hurting 
them.  But now that he had her, things were different.  She'd let him in 
like nobody had before.  She gave herself to him so completely because that 
was her way.  Her love was unconditional and never ending.  He supposed he 
should be grateful for the years they had had together, and though he was it 
wasn't enough.  He remembered the way she used to be; that innocent child, 
utterly beguiling- a temptress without realizing that she was one.  She'd 
enchanted him with a tilt of her head and the seductive glint in her eyes.  
She'd told him he was the only one for her.  That no one had ever made her 
feel inside the way he did.  They completed something within each other.  
Only now there was a hole inside her, and no matter what he didn't she 
wouldn't let him in.

**Since you raised that wall around you
Since I lost you
I have found you strange
And I could swear for sure
Haven't seen that girl before
Half in love and half at war**

	She stood with her back to him, her long hair a veil she could hide behind. 
 It did no good though- he could still see her eyelashes, awash with fresh 
tears like early morning dew resting on delicate blades of grass.  He pushed 
aside his memories and tried to reach out to her, his fingers falling gently 
across the delicate curve of her shoulder blades.  Immediately he felt her 
withdraw even farther from him, her delicate body becoming a shield to keep 
him out.  Soon his own eyes were filled with tears.  He felt so helpless 
against this massive rift lay between them.  There was nothing he could do 
to keep it from growing.  He wanted to tell her he was sorry he hadn't been 
able to save her from this.  He wanted to do anything and everything to stop 
hurting her, but it seemed, no matter what, he ended up doing just that.

**Hey you're looking strange
And everything you do
Girl, it seems arranged
Dark words drift away
I have nothing more to say**

	He felt his heart breaking into a million pieces as she told him that she 
didn't want to be with him.  She used to look at him with love in her eyes, 
and now there was only hate.  When he used to look into her eyes he had been 
able to see into her soul and see the pure essence that made up his Willow.  
Now he looked at her and he saw the demon, a reflection of everything that 
was in him.  And worst of all he saw the hate inside of her, a presence that 
had never occupied a place inside of her before.  And the hate existed with 
the love, and that made it all the more horrifying.  She loved him and she 
hated him.  The hate was destroying the love that had existed between them.  

**Soon the moon will rise
And in the stormy night
I have to see your face
See the lines that make you old
Stony silence, touched by gold**

	He could see that she wanted more than to reach out for him, but that part 
of her, the part that needed him, was being weakened.  She was suppressing 
it because she was so hurt, and she was lashing out at everything and 
everyone.  Her fists pounded against his chest, her nails drew blood as she 
clawed at his skin, ranting and crying, screaming at him that it was all his 
fault.  He didn't stop her.  He knew it was what he deserved.  And he would 
take any punishment she needed to inflict upon him, as long as she allowed 
him to help her heal.  He'd do anything to be there for her.  

**Everything's too late
Too late for love, and suddenly
Too late for hate

There's only one thing left to do
I have to face this other you**

	But she said it was too late.  What they had had was finished, dead like her 
body was now dead.  Screaming her final recriminations, swearing she never 
wanted to see him again, she walked out of his life forever.  In that 
moment, like the moment he had found her dead and then watched her awaken to 
this unlife, something inside of him died.  

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