Half in Love and Half in Hate by Amanda Arlequin Disclaimer: The characters in this story are from Buffy The Vampire Slayer and belong to the God Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. The lyrics are from the song "Half in Love and Half in Hate" by Morten Harkett and belongs to him. No copyright infringement intended.
**Half in love and half in hate Someone told me it is late Late on earth you said maybe Late in you and late in me Darker than it has to be** He could still remember the first time he'd woken up to find her sleeping besides him. Her small frame pressed against his, her chest rising and falling with each even breath. Her hair, slightly damp with perspiration, spread out like a silken fan against the pillow. He'd reached up to brush strands away from her face, marveling silently at how breathtakingly beautiful she was. The expression on her face so peaceful- unmarred by all the harshness she knew existed in the world, but merely a reflection of the simple purity of her innocence. Her eyelids had laid heavy against her cheeks, her lips curled in a smile of pure happiness. He remembered wondering what he had done to be so blessed. She was a gift from heaven and he swore to never let her go. **Tell me just another lie Now we're woven under ice Tell me that there is no other I am a child Be my mother If you lie, babe If you bother** He'd kept himself so removed from people for so long. Never letting himself get close to anybody for fear of getting hurt or- worse- hurting them. But now that he had her, things were different. She'd let him in like nobody had before. She gave herself to him so completely because that was her way. Her love was unconditional and never ending. He supposed he should be grateful for the years they had had together, and though he was it wasn't enough. He remembered the way she used to be; that innocent child, utterly beguiling- a temptress without realizing that she was one. She'd enchanted him with a tilt of her head and the seductive glint in her eyes. She'd told him he was the only one for her. That no one had ever made her feel inside the way he did. They completed something within each other. Only now there was a hole inside her, and no matter what he didn't she wouldn't let him in. **Since you raised that wall around you Since I lost you I have found you strange And I could swear for sure Haven't seen that girl before Half in love and half at war** She stood with her back to him, her long hair a veil she could hide behind. It did no good though- he could still see her eyelashes, awash with fresh tears like early morning dew resting on delicate blades of grass. He pushed aside his memories and tried to reach out to her, his fingers falling gently across the delicate curve of her shoulder blades. Immediately he felt her withdraw even farther from him, her delicate body becoming a shield to keep him out. Soon his own eyes were filled with tears. He felt so helpless against this massive rift lay between them. There was nothing he could do to keep it from growing. He wanted to tell her he was sorry he hadn't been able to save her from this. He wanted to do anything and everything to stop hurting her, but it seemed, no matter what, he ended up doing just that.
**Hey you're looking strange And everything you do Girl, it seems arranged Dark words drift away I have nothing more to say** He felt his heart breaking into a million pieces as she told him that she didn't want to be with him. She used to look at him with love in her eyes, and now there was only hate. When he used to look into her eyes he had been able to see into her soul and see the pure essence that made up his Willow. Now he looked at her and he saw the demon, a reflection of everything that was in him. And worst of all he saw the hate inside of her, a presence that had never occupied a place inside of her before. And the hate existed with the love, and that made it all the more horrifying. She loved him and she hated him. The hate was destroying the love that had existed between them. **Soon the moon will rise And in the stormy night I have to see your face See the lines that make you old Stony silence, touched by gold** He could see that she wanted more than to reach out for him, but that part of her, the part that needed him, was being weakened. She was suppressing it because she was so hurt, and she was lashing out at everything and everyone. Her fists pounded against his chest, her nails drew blood as she clawed at his skin, ranting and crying, screaming at him that it was all his fault. He didn't stop her. He knew it was what he deserved. And he would take any punishment she needed to inflict upon him, as long as she allowed him to help her heal. He'd do anything to be there for her. **Everything's too late Too late for love, and suddenly Too late for hate There's only one thing left to do I have to face this other you** But she said it was too late. What they had had was finished, dead like her body was now dead. Screaming her final recriminations, swearing she never wanted to see him again, she walked out of his life forever. In that moment, like the moment he had found her dead and then watched her awaken to this unlife, something inside of him died.
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